{"id":544,"date":"2024-05-01T22:42:14","date_gmt":"2024-05-02T05:42:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/?p=544"},"modified":"2024-05-01T22:42:14","modified_gmt":"2024-05-02T05:42:14","slug":"i-was-taught","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/i-was-taught\/","title":{"rendered":"I was taught"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-group nfd-bg-effect-dots has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I had to be strong to get here. Much more than average, and I&#8217;m tired to pretend it is the same for everybody.<br>I&#8217;m tired to have to prove myself while trying like a dog to keep my shit together. I&#8217;ve been deeply sick, and I&#8217;ve done wrong and I have no shame admitting it, but I forgave myself. I forgave myself for that and for things that came much earlier in life. Things a children shouldn&#8217;t have to go through. <br>Every time I look back and I see everything that happened to me, I can only think of one thing&#8230; Why am I letting people abuse me? Why am I being attracted to what hurts me and makes me sick?<br>These answers are there in the past. <br>Nobody never taught me Im valuable, that I deserve, that I got &#8220;my turn&#8221;. Because &#8220;she is just a crying baby&#8221;.<br>I never had nobody to look at my side of the story, so I grew up believing it was normal. I grew up believing I was making drama. Don&#8217;t interrupt, don&#8217;t make a noise, don&#8217;t make a mess, don&#8217;t exist.<br>I got used to be invisible, sometimes I forgot myself somewhere, and my mind got back to pick me up.<br>I have to make it hard. I have to make it impossible for other people to control me, and they will tell me I&#8217;m wrong, I know, tell me I&#8217;m harsh, I&#8217;m rude. Funny how I became rude out of the blue, han? Funny how I became a monster when I decided I would be the pilot of my life. I guess it is just how it should.<br>I know I&#8217;m about to meet true happiness. And it can be anywhere, I really don&#8217;t care anymore. And I&#8217;m not afraid!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nobody never taught me Im valuable, that I deserve, that I got &#8220;my turn&#8221;. Because &#8220;she is just a crying baby&#8221;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[25,14,20],"class_list":["post-544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts","tag-blues","tag-feelings","tag-patience"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=544"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/544\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/niwniw.net\/bujo\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}